Anonymous said: To hot drinks anon: not all the things we call 'tea' is actual tea, a lot of it has never seen tea leaves and has zero caffeine. Hot drinks made from non-tea herbs like chamomile, linden, hibiscus, mint or elderflower can be especially nice with some honey or lemon.

THIS IS TRUE

Fruit Tea Sampler

CELESTIAL FRUIT TEAS CONTAIN ZERO BITS FROM ANY SORT OF TEA PLANT - IT’S ALL FRUIT BITS AND SPICES. 

THEY’RE GLUTEN FREE, CAFFEINE FREE, AND CERTIFIED KOSHER. 

Anonymous said: Okay so lame warrior is lame, but I can't have coffee and tea for religious reasons and I absolutely HATE chocolate. Do you know of any other warm drinks I could try this fall? I want that warm drink fall experience too. :(

GREETINGS FELLOW WARRIOR!

THE WARM DRINK EXPERIENCE IS GLORIOUS, AND SHOULD NOT BE MISSED OUT ON!

APPLE CIDER IS POPULAR, OR ADD SOME SPICES AND MAKE IT MULLED! 

THERE’S ALSO MULLED CRANBERRY PUNCH, OR YOU CAN ALTER THAT RECIPE TO MAKE ALL SORTS OF MULLED DRINKS! MULLED PEACH, GRAPE, OR PINEAPPLE JUICE IF YOU WANT SUPER SWEET EXPLOSIONS. 

EGGNOG IS ALSO GOOD HOT - YOU DON’T HAVE TO ADD ALCOHOL FOR A PARTY IN YOUR MOUTH!

YOU CAN ADD A BIT OF BROWN SUGAR AND A TINY DASH OF VANILLA EXTRACT OR ALMOND EXTRACT TO A GLASS OF HOT MILK. TOP THAT SUCKER WITH WHIPPED CREAM BECAUSE FUCKING HELL WHY NOT?

ARROS ATOLE IS GOD’S GIFT TO EARTH. ANGELS WEPT JEALOUS TEARS WHEN THEY REALIZED HUMANS COULD NOW ENJOY THIS PERFECTION. MADE WITH RICE, WATER, MILK/CREAM AND CINNAMON. 

THERE IS SUCH THING AS A NO-COFFEE PUMPKIN SPICE LATTE

Regular Atole is also good but the rice version makes my tastebuds sing Journey albums. 

TO HAVE THE ULTIMATE HOT DRINK EXPERIENCE, THERE ARE A FEW KEY POINTS. 

  • OBTAIN HOT DRINK
  • WRAP FINGERS FIRMLY AROUND HOT CUP TO SOAK IN THE WARMTH
  • OBSERVE CHANGING SEASONS
  • BREATHE DEEPLY FROM THE HOT BEVERAGE STEAM
  • GO TO POUND TOWN ON THAT MOTHERFUCKER!
  • SAVOR THE FEELING OF HOT LIQUIDS POOLING IN YOUR BELLY AND HEATING YOU FROM THE INSIDE LIKE THE EMBERS OF A DRAGON’S BREATH. 
fuckingrecipes:

ONLY MAYO AND CELERY? BLASPHEMY! HERE, COME INTO MY ARMS YOU POOR CHILD. *EMBRACES YOU WHILE EAGLES SCREAM THE ASSASIN’S CREED SOUNDTRACK IN THE BACKGROUND*
IT’S CALLED ‘TUNA SALAD’ FOR A FUCKING REASON!
ALONG WITH YOUR MAYO AND CELERY YOU SHOULD ALSO PERFORM THE FOLLOWING RITUALS.
DICE A GREEN OR RED APPLE, SLICE YOUR RED GRAPES IN HALF, CHUCK IN SOME CHOPPED GREEN PEPPER! I DON’T FUCKING MEASURE THIS SHIT! EYEBALL IT! 
A SMALL DRIZZLE OF SPICY MUSTARD, SOME SPINACH LEAVES ROUGHLY CHOPPED, CARROTS ALL DICED TO FUCKERY!
TAKE A THICK PINCH OF PEPPER AND PUNCH IT INTO YOUR CREATION! TOP THAT SHIT OFF WITH A TABLESPOON OF LEMON JUICE AND A HANDFUL OF CHOPPED ONION. 
MIX IT LIKE IT OFFENDED YOUR SWEET SENSIBILITIES BY EXISTING, THEN EXTERMINATE IT BY SHOVING IT INTO YOUR BEAUTIFUL FUCKING FACE! 
ENJOY YOUR GORGEOUS-ASS TUNA SALAD SANDWICH!
(Some beautiful asshole suggested replacing the mayo with an avocado! That tastes fucking rad with the lemon juice, so go for it!)

fuckingrecipes:

ONLY MAYO AND CELERY? BLASPHEMY! HERE, COME INTO MY ARMS YOU POOR CHILD. *EMBRACES YOU WHILE EAGLES SCREAM THE ASSASIN’S CREED SOUNDTRACK IN THE BACKGROUND*

IT’S CALLED ‘TUNA SALAD’ FOR A FUCKING REASON!

ALONG WITH YOUR MAYO AND CELERY YOU SHOULD ALSO PERFORM THE FOLLOWING RITUALS.

DICE A GREEN OR RED APPLE, SLICE YOUR RED GRAPES IN HALF, CHUCK IN SOME CHOPPED GREEN PEPPER! I DON’T FUCKING MEASURE THIS SHIT! EYEBALL IT! 

A SMALL DRIZZLE OF SPICY MUSTARD, SOME SPINACH LEAVES ROUGHLY CHOPPED, CARROTS ALL DICED TO FUCKERY!

TAKE A THICK PINCH OF PEPPER AND PUNCH IT INTO YOUR CREATION! TOP THAT SHIT OFF WITH A TABLESPOON OF LEMON JUICE AND A HANDFUL OF CHOPPED ONION. 

MIX IT LIKE IT OFFENDED YOUR SWEET SENSIBILITIES BY EXISTING, THEN EXTERMINATE IT BY SHOVING IT INTO YOUR BEAUTIFUL FUCKING FACE! 

ENJOY YOUR GORGEOUS-ASS TUNA SALAD SANDWICH!

(Some beautiful asshole suggested replacing the mayo with an avocado! That tastes fucking rad with the lemon juice, so go for it!)

fuckingrecipes:

THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN NORMAL FOOD AND THE GOURMET FOOD IS THE FOLLOWING:
1) BUYING FUCKING FRESH, HIGHER QUALITY INGREDIENTS (This does not necessarily mean expensive. Many farmer’s market ingredients can count as Gourmet, because they don’t have the harmful pesticides that commercial fruits and veggies have.)
2) TREATING EACH DISH LIKE A GODDAMN WORK OF ART. (Keeping in mind flavor combinations, temperature contrasts, colors and overall presentation) 
3) THE MOTHERFUCKER EATING THE FOOD CAN APPRECIATE AND RELISH IT. (Kinda Hedonistic. Someone who inquires about and appreciates the beauty of food)
4) RARE-ASS, HARD-TO-FIND INGREDIENTS (Some ingredients and spices can only be found in specialty shops, or are shipped specifically from across the world) (This is not required, Just something that restaurants often use to set themselves apart from the competition)
”The key to understanding and appreciating gourmet is to conceptualize it is an art. Prepare and savor your gourmet cuisines like one of the classical painters would go about creating a piece – with care and unwavering attention.
 

fuckingrecipes:

THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN NORMAL FOOD AND THE GOURMET FOOD IS THE FOLLOWING:

1) BUYING FUCKING FRESH, HIGHER QUALITY INGREDIENTS (This does not necessarily mean expensive. Many farmer’s market ingredients can count as Gourmet, because they don’t have the harmful pesticides that commercial fruits and veggies have.)

2) TREATING EACH DISH LIKE A GODDAMN WORK OF ART. (Keeping in mind flavor combinations, temperature contrasts, colors and overall presentation) 

3) THE MOTHERFUCKER EATING THE FOOD CAN APPRECIATE AND RELISH IT. (Kinda Hedonistic. Someone who inquires about and appreciates the beauty of food)

4) RARE-ASS, HARD-TO-FIND INGREDIENTS (Some ingredients and spices can only be found in specialty shops, or are shipped specifically from across the world) (This is not required, Just something that restaurants often use to set themselves apart from the competition)

”The key to understanding and appreciating gourmet is to conceptualize it is an art. Prepare and savor your gourmet cuisines like one of the classical painters would go about creating a piece – with care and unwavering attention.

 

ULTIMATE STEW

THIS IS A STEW THAT COULD MAKE CAPTAIN AMERICA SNUGGLE DOWN IN A FRUMPY SWEATER AND CUDDLE WITH YOU NEXT TO THE FIRE. 

YOU WANT SOME MAGICAL STEW? LISTEN UP, YOU GORGEOUS ASSHOLE. 

Read More

HELLO FRIENDS I HAVE AWOKEN FROM MY SLUMBER.

JUST IN TIME FOR THE SKELETON WARS! 

YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS? GRAB YOUR CUTE LITTLE ASS AND PREPARE YOURSELF FOR SOME GODDAMN AUTUMN-THEMED COOKING! 

FIRST ON THE MENU IS SOME EASY-AS-HELL SPICED-CIDER-POACHED-APPLES. 

WHY DO THIS THING?

BECAUSE SOMETIMES A MAJESTIC MOTHERFUCKER WANTS HOT SPICED CIDER AND SOME DELICIOUS POACHED APPLES AT THE SAME FUCKING TIME!

STEP ONE: GRAB YOUR MIGHTY WEAPON AND FORGE DEEP INTO THE HEART OF THE DARK FOREST. PLUCK YOURSELF A RED APPLE OR A DOZEN - ALL IS RELATIVE IN THE EYES OF THE UNDYING, UNENDING UNIVERSE. 

IF YOU HAVE THE TIME, PRESS THE APPLES INTO A GLORIOUS CIDER, AND A GOLDEN JUICE FROM WHENCE EVEN GODS WOULD PLEAD A TASTE.

DENY THEM! THIS IS BY MORTAL HANDS, FOR MORTAL MOUTHS. 

ALTERNATELY, PURCHASE SOME CIDER FROM YOUR LOCAL MILL (lay down an offering to the orchard spirits in thanks) AND SOME APPLE JUICE WHEREVER YOU NORMALLY CAN OBTAIN IT. 

SCRUB THE APPLES FIERCELY, TO REMOVE ALL EVIL TAINT THAT MAY REMAIN. 

HOWEVER MANY APPLES YOU WANT COOKED, PUNCH THEM INTO CHUNKS ABOUT THE SIZE OF YOUR THUMB KNUCKLE. 

WHILE EXAMINING YOUR KNUCKLE TO GET A SIZE IN MIND, CACKLE IN DELIGHT THAT YOU HAVE OPPOSABLE THUMBS AND CAN DO SUCH THINGS LIKE COOK AND WRITE AND APPROVE OF THINGS FROM AFAR. 

FIND A POT BIG ENOUGH TO HOLD THOSE APPLE CHUNKS, AND USE THE POWERS OF YOUR MIND TO BLAST THE FUCKERS RIGHT INSIDE. 

USING EQUAL PARTS CIDER AND HOLY APPLE JUICE, FILL THE SPACES AROUND THOSE FRUIT BITS UNTIL THEY START TO FLOAT A LITTLE. 

THIS NEXT PART WILL REQUIRE DISCRETION FROM THE CHEF. DONT FUCKING DUMP SHIT IN - SPRINKLE SOME ON THE SURFACE AND MOVE ON. 

YOU WANT TO ADD SOME NUTMEG, CINNAMON, GINGER, CRUSHED CLOVES (OR WHOLE ONES, BUT YOU’LL HAVE TO FISH THEM OUT LATER.) AND A FEW DROPS OF VANILLA EXTRACT. 

HOWL AT THE MOON, YOU GLORIOUS BEAST, BECAUSE IF YOU POSSES IT, YOU CAN ALSO ADD A DOLLOP OF CARAMEL TO THIS CONCOCTION! 

KEEP THIS CREATION ON ‘HIGH’ UNTIL IT STARTS SEETHING IN FRUSTRATION, THEN TURN IT DOWN TO THE LOWEST YOU CAN. 

LET IT SIMMER ON LOW FOR ABOUT 10 MINUTES - A LITTLE LONGER IF YOUR APPLE CHUNKS AREN’T SOFT YET. 

REMOVE FROM THE HEAT, AND STRAIN OUT THE POACHED APPLES. 

WHAT CAN THESE FACE-SMASHINGLY GOOD PIE-INSIDES DO FOR YOU? TOP YOUR ICE CREAM, OR YOGURT, OR CEREAL. FUCK, EAT THEM RIGHT OUT OF A BOWL.

SLIDE THEM ALL SEXILY NEXT TO A STEAK, OR STIR THEM UP WITH A BIT OF BACON BITS NEXT TO YOUR EGGS. 

WHEN YOU’VE DECIDED WHAT THE EVERLOVING FUCK YOU’RE GOING TO DO WITH ALL THOSE POACHED APPLES, YOU HAVE SPICED APPLE CIDER TO GO WITH IT! 

Step One: SLICE POMEGRANATE

Step Two: SMASH POMEGRANATE HALF

Step Three: ???

Step Four: PROFIT

MOTHERFUCKERS WANT TO LEARN HOW TO CUT SHIT?

EVER WANTED TO LEARN HOW TO COOK FROM A WORLD-RENOWNED CHEF WHO RIVALS GORDON RAMSEY? 

BUTTER MY BUTT AND CALL ME A BISCUIT, HERE IS YOUR MAN~ 

THIS BADASS TEACHES YOU THE BASICS - HOW TO NOT SUCK AT COOKING, HOW TO SEASON THINGS, AND GENERALLY HOW TO BE SOMEONE WHO COULD KICK THE ASS OF ANYTHING THAT NEEDS TO BE STABBED INTO SUBMISSION. 

ROCK ON MY FRIENDS. 

ROCK ON INTO THE ENDLESS NIGHT. 

TO PUT A CHERRY ON TOP, HE ALSO TEACHES YOU HOW TO MAKE CHICKEN NUGGETS FASTER AND CHEAPER THAN STORE-BOUGHT FROZEN NUGGETS. 

GOTTA HAVE DEM CHIKIN NUGGERS 

HOW TO PEEL A MANGO:

GET A STRONG-ASS CUP, I DON’T GIVE A FLYING FUCK IF IT’S PLASTIC OR GLASS, BUT THAT SHIT BETTER BE STRONGER THAN WOLVERINE’S MIGHTY JAWBONE. 

GET YOUR CUP.

OBTAIN A RIPE MANGO. 

FOLLOW ALONG WITH THE VIDEO. 

VICTORY!

I made those goddamn delicious CANAPES! Unfortunately, I did not have any beautiful MINI MUFFIN PANS D:< such a tragedy. So, I used a REGULAR MUFFIN PAN, and it turned out fine(plus there was more volume for the yummy KALE AND ARTICHOKE DIP :DD). I also coated the wonton wrappers in olive oil, as my first batch didn’t turn out that crunchy for some reason?? I also added some more of the heavenly mozzarella on top uvu

I made those goddamn delicious CANAPES! Unfortunately, I did not have any beautiful MINI MUFFIN PANS D:< such a tragedy. So, I used a REGULAR MUFFIN PAN, and it turned out fine(plus there was more volume for the yummy KALE AND ARTICHOKE DIP :DD). I also coated the wonton wrappers in olive oil, as my first batch didn’t turn out that crunchy for some reason?? I also added some more of the heavenly mozzarella on top uvu

veganbutt:

squigglydigg:

imsopopfly:

Wow I like weird fruits and I have only heard of three of these before. Only actually tried one-the kiwano melon. I eat those regularly.

I made the mistake once of trying the African cucumber.  It, uh.  Tastes like cucumber.  Yeah.

Kiwano is absolutely delicious wtf you talking about

DON’T FORGET THE LAU LAU (rose apple), WHICH HAS A TEXTURE OF A PEAR, BUT FUCKING TASTES LIKE A ROSE SMELLS

Blew my fucking mind when I tried one. 

(via hideki16seiyuu)

roachpatrol:

inklesspen:

cdrsarahpalmer:

KAIJU SUSHI (a dessert)

I saw Pacific Rim today and all I could think about during the scene [SPOILER] when Hannibal’s organ harvesters are inside the dead Kaiju [/SPOILER] was "Wow, if Kaiju weren’t horrible abominations that are probably incapable of being digested by humans, I bet they’d be great on the sushi market!" 

So, Kaiju sushi. It’s a super-thick altered rice pudding recipe with berry-flavored blue jello on top. The textures are similar so they don’t taste out-of-tune with each other, and it’s mostly creamy rice pudding with a splash of fruitiness from the jello. TL;DR - if you don’t like rice pudding, you probably shouldn’t eat this. 

Instruction/Recipe Post soon to follow {HERE}

i need this in my mouth

SCREAMS IF YOU MADE THEM JELLO SHOTS THEN THE BURN OF THE ALCOHOL COUD SUBSTITUTE FOR THE AMMONIA BLOOD OR WHATEVER IT IS KAIJU GOT UP ONS AND IT WOULD ALSO FUCK YOU RIGHT UP

SOMEONE COME AND HAVE A PACIFIC RIM PARTY WITH ME RIGHT THE GODDAMN HELL NOW

YEAAAAH!

I’M INCLUDING A LINK FOR MOTHERFUCKERS WHO WANT TO LEARN MORE ABOUT GELATIN/JELLO AND HOW TO MAKE THAT SHIT SUPER ALCOHOLIC.

>BAM

THAT LINK IS SO HARDCORE IT EVEN SHOWS ROCKSTARS HOW TO MAKE VEGAN JELLO! 

*backflips into the sunset*

You asshats are talented and majestic warriors, and don't you ever forget it. Conquer the world. You have the potential.

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