motherfucking recipes

FUCKING AWESOME BBQ PORK WITH RICE

DO YOU WANT A FUCKING EASY AND TASTY ASS MEAL TO MAKE FOR ONE OR TWO OR HOWEVER FUCKING MANY YOU HAVE TO COOK FOR? LOOK NO FURTHER!

HERE’S THE FUCKING INGREDIENTS YOU NEED:

• SOME FUCKING PORK LOIN CHOPS (ONE PER PERSON)
• SOME BASIC ASS WHITE OR BROWN INSTANT RICE (ABOUT 3/4 CUP PER PERSON)
• CHICKEN BROTH, TO COOK THE BASIC ASS RICE IN AND GIVE IT SOME MORE FUCKING FLAVOR (EQUAL AMOUNTS TO THE RICE YOU’RE MAKING)
• SOME DELICIOUS ASS BBQ SAUCE OF YOUR CHOICE (I USED THE FUCKING AWESOME “SWEET BABY RAYS”)
• WHATEVER FUCKING SEASONINGS YOU ENJOY (I USED BLACK PEPPER, SOME FUCKING ONION FLAKES, LAWRY’S SEASONING SALT, AND THAT AWESOME BITCH MRS. DASH GARLIC & HERB BLEND)
• 1-2 FRESH AS FUCK CHOPPED GARLIC CLOVES
• SOME FUCKING OLIVE OIL
• SHREDDED WHITE SHARP CHEDDAR CHEESE (OPTIONAL, IF YOUR ASS LIKES CHEESE, USE IT!)

HERE’S YOUR FUCKING DIRECTIONS:

CUT THE FUCKING PORK CHOPS INTO BITE-SIZED PIECES AND PUT THOSE LITTLE FUCKERS INTO A SAUTEE PAN. TRASH-TALK THEM UNTIL THEY KNOW HOW HARDCORE THEY ARE!

CHOP UP YOUR FRESH AS FUCK GARLIC AND FALCON PUNCH THAT IN THERE TOO.

I’M MOTHERFUCKING HARDCORE AND I DON’T MEASURE MY OLIVE OIL BUT I’D GUESS I USE ABOUT 2-3 TABLESPOONS. 

ADD WHATEVER FUCKING SEASONINGS YOUR HEART DESIRES. TURN YOUR BURNER ON MED-HIGH HEAT.

MEANWHILE, START PREPARING YOUR BASIC ASS INSTANT RICE ACCORDING TO HOW THE FUCKING PACKAGE TELLS YOU TO.

MAKE SURE YOU USE THE FUCKING CHICKEN BROTH INSTEAD OF WATER. YOU DON’T WANT BLAND ASS RICE. IF YOU WANT SOME FUCKING CHEESE, SHRED THAT NOW TOO. 

STIR YOUR FUCKING PORK PIECES UNTIL THEY’RE COOKED ALL THE WAY THROUGH. IF YOU WERE TOO HARDCORE WITH YOUR OLIVE OIL AND USED TOO GODDAMN MUCH, DRAIN THE  EXCESS, THEN RETURN THEM TO YOUR SAUTEE PAN FOR FURTHER HEAT-TORTURE.

TURN THE FUCKING HEAT DOWN TO MED-LOW SO YOU DON’T BURN THE FUCKERS AND ADD YOUR DELICIOUS ASS BBQ SAUCE. AGAIN, I’M FUCKING HARDCORE AND I DON’T MEASURE, BUT USE ENOUGH TO COVER ALL YOUR PORK PIECES. NO SUCH THING AS TOO MUCH, UNLESS ALL YOUR DRAGON-CHILDREN START DROWNING IN IT, THEN YOU MIGHT WANT TO CUT BACK. 

LET THE PORK AND BBQ SAUCE GET WELL ACQUAINTED IN YOUR FUCKING SAUTEE PAN FOR ABOUT 5-8 MINUTES. THEY BETTER BE BUTT-BUDDIES BY THE TIME YOU’RE DONE WITH THEM!

IF YOU WANTED CHEESE, ADD IT IN TO YOUR BASIC ASS RICE ONCE IT’S FINISHED DOING IT’S THING. I LIKE TO ADD SOME FUCKING SEASONING TO THE RICE TOO. USUALLY THE MRS. DASH BLEND. THAT BITCH HAS SOME DAMN GOOD SEASONINGS.

YOUR DELICIOUS ASS MEAL IS NOW FINISHED! PUT THE RICE ONTO A BIG ASS PLATE OR INTO A BOWL AND POUR YOUR BBQ MARINATED PORK ALL OVER THAT SHIT.

SIT YOUR ASS DOWN AND ENJOY YOUR DELICIOUS FUCKING MEAL!

IF YOU DON’T WANT FUCKING PORK, YOU CAN MAKE THE SAME FUCKING THING WITH CHICKEN OR BEEF!