TIME TO HAVE A LIFE-CHANGING ADVENTURE, YOU BEAUTIFUL MOTHERFUCKERS!
IF YOU DON’T INTEND TO HIKE THE EARTH’S MOST GLORIOUS LANDMARKS, YOU CAN STILL EAT THIS DELICIOUS SHIT WHILE SITTING ON YOUR ASS, CRYING OVER THE INEVITABLE DEATH OF EVERY CHARACTER YOU EVER LOVED!
SEARCH YOUR LOCAL DUNGEONS FOR A CHEST THAT CONTAINS 2 12oz CANS OF CHICKPEAS, OLIVE OIL, SESAME TAHINI, MINCED GARLIC AND LEMON JUICE!
THE ORDER OF INGREDIENTS IS FUCKING IMPORTANT, SO LISTEN UP! YOU BETTER HAVE A BLENDER READY, OR A POWERFUL FUCKING WHISKING ARM, ‘CAUSE THIS SHIT NEEDS SOME HARDCORE EFFORT!
SUCKER-PUNCH 4 TABLESPOONS OF LEMON JUICE AND 3 TABLESPOONS OF TAHINI, THEN HARNESS THE POWER OF A SMALL CYCLONE FOR A FULL MINUTE TO WHIP THEIR ASSES INTO SUBMISSION!
SHOVE THE CHICKPEAS IN, ALONG WITH 2 TABLESPOONS OF MINCED GARLIC AND 2 TABLESPOONS OF OLIVE OIL! PRETEND YOU’RE A PISSED OFF TIME LORD, BECAUSE THESE FUCKERS NEED THE SHIT KICKED OUT OF THEM!
BLEND THE FUCK OUT OF THEM, THEN DUMP THAT BULLSHIT IN A BAG OR BOWL, ‘CAUSE YOU JUST MADE SOME DELICIOUS-ASS HUMMUS!
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