motherfucking recipes

EVERYONE FUCKING LOVES MILKSHAKES, RIGHT? THIS MILKSHAKE IS ACTUALLY BETTER THAN HEAVEN, SO BE FUCKING PREPARED TO EAT THAT SHIT!
WHAT YOU NEED: 5-6 BANANAS, ALMOND MILK, SOY YOGURT, AND HONEY (OPTIONAL, I ONLY USED IT ONCE AND IT WAS PRETTY GOOD, BUT IF YOU’RE A VEGAN MOTHERFUCKER YOU DON’T NEED IT, IT’S STILL REALLY FUCKING GOOD).(IF YOU’RE NOT VEGAN, GREEK YOGURT IS FINE!)

I SUGGEST THE SILK BRAND ALMOND MILK, THAT SHIT ACTUALLY FEELS LIKE SOFT ASS FABRIC COATING YOUR THROAT ON THE WAY DOWN.

FIRST, YOU SHOULD WRESTLE YOUR BANANAS TO A GLORIOUS MOUNTAIN TOP, OR, IF MORE CONVENIENT, TOSS THOSE BAD-BOYS IN YOUR FREEZER. I SUGGEST LEAVING THEM IN THERE OVERNIGHT, BUT AS LONG AS THEY’RE FROZEN, YOU’RE GOOD.

WHEN YOU TAKE YOUR BANANAS OUT OF THE FREEZER, THE OUTER SKIN SHOULD BE A BROWNISH COLOR. IT’S ALRIGHT, DON’T WORRY YOU BEAUTIFUL MOTHERFUCKER, THE INSIDES ARE STILL EDIBLE. TAKE THEM OUT AND KNIFE THAT BROWN SHIT OFF, THAT, MY FRIEND, IS NOT EDIBLE.

JUDO-CHOP YOUR BANANAS UP AND THROW THEM INTO A BLENDER.

NEXT, POUR ABOUT ONE CUP OF ALMOND MILK INTO THE BLENDER, FOLLOWED BY 2 HEAPING SCOOPS OF YOGURT (AND IF YOU WANT, A SMALL AMOUNT OF HONEY. SORRY, I DON’T REMEMBER HOW MUCH, YOU CAN ALWAYS ADD FOR FLAVOR LATER THOUGH, SO DON’T WORRY).

NOW, BLEND THAT SHIT TOGETHER! IT SHOULD BE PRETTY THICK AND ULTRA CREAMY, AND TASTE REALLY FUCKING DELICIOUS! WHEN YOU’RE DONE EATING IT, DON’T WORRY, YOU’VE GOT ANOTHER ONE.