WHIP OUT YOUR DEMON-SLAYING KNIFE, SCREAM PROFANITIES INTO THE DISTANCE AND READY YOUR BODY FOR the latest episode of supernatural tearing your heart out SOME GARLIC BAGEL CHIPS

ACCOMPANY RYAN GOSLING ON HIS WHITE STEED AND OBTAIN 3 TABLESPOONS OF BUTTER

TRAVEL TO THE HOME OF LEGOLAS AND AGGRESSIVELY STARE AT HIM WHILE HE SLEEPS UNTIL HE AWAKENS AND ATTEMPTS TO SLAY YOU. CHALLENGE HIM TO A RAP BATTLE AND NAME THE PRIZE AS 2 CLOVES OF GARLIC. 

WIN THE RAP BATTLE USING YOUR FUNKY-FRESH BEATS AND LYRICS THAT TEAR APART YOUR SOUL. 

IF YOU’RE WITHOUT HANDS, YOU CAN STUMP THE GARLIC TO DEATH, BUT OTHERWISE USE YOUR BLADE OF VICTORY TO CHOP UP THE CLOVES. 

ALTERNATELY, YOU CAN USE A TABLESPOON OF PRE-MINCED GARLIC.  LAZY ASSHOLE~

CRANK UP YOUR HEAVILY WARDED OVEN UP TO 325 DEGREES F.

VIOLENTLY BODY-SLAM THE BUTTER AND GARLIC TOGETHER IN A SAUCEPAN AND MELT IT INTO BEGGING FOR MERCY ON MEDIUM HEAT

REMEMBER THOSE STALE-ASS BAGELS THAT YOU’VE BEEN EYEING, WONDERING IF THEY’RE STILL GOOD ENOUGH TO EAT? SURPRISE MOTHERFUCKER, THEY TOTALLY ARE!

PERFECT YOUR DRAGONTONGUE AND SHOUT THE BAGEL INTO THIN DISC-SHAPED SLICES

 USE A BRUSH BLESSED BY AMATERASU TO SPREAD THE BUTTER/GARLIC ONTO THE SLICES, AND SPRINKLE WITH PARMESAN CHEESE

PLACE A COOKIE SHEET IN THE OVEN AND WHIP THE BAGEL DISCS LIKE FRISBEES INTO THEIR PROPER BAKING LOCATIONS! LET THEM WALLOW IN THEIR OWN SELF-HATRED IN THAT OVEN OF PENANCE FOR TEN MINUTES. 

PEEK INSIDE, BRUSH SOME MORE BUTTER ONTO THE TOP LIKE AN ARTISTIC MOTHERFUCKER, AND ADD SOME MORE PARMESAN! HOLY FUCK I HOPE YOU LIKE CHEESE!

WAIT ANOTHER TEN MINUTES BEFORE TAKING THOSE GORGEOUS ASSHOLES OUT OF THEIR HEAT CHAMBER.

ALLOW TO COOL BEFORE DEVOURING IN A FIT OF RAVENOUS HUNGER BEFITTING THE MAJESTIC DRAGON YOU ARE. 

 

To make glutenfree, use a glutenfree bagel substitute.

To make vegan and dairyfree, substitute butter with appropriate products and don’t include the cheese.  For those who are lactose-intolerant, however, note that Parmesan is lactose-free

  1. dreamabyss reblogged this from fuckingrecipes
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    WHAT IF IM A DUMB FUCKING ASSHOLE AND I DONT WANT GARLICJUST BUTTER AND CHEESE
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    YES I WILL DO THIS if only bagels didn’t cost a bomb
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    //tHIS BLOG IS AMAZING
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You asshats are talented and majestic warriors, and don't you ever forget it. Conquer the world. You have the potential.

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