The best motherfucking smoothies ever!!

SO i recently perfected the perfect smoothie recipe

THIS SHIT IS DELICIOUS, AND ALL IT REQUIRES IS FRUIT AND SOME LIQUID

BEST THING IS, ONCE YOU HAVE THIS FORMULA DOWN, YOU CAN MAKE ALL FLAVOURS OF SMOOTHIES!!

HOW???

NO ICE, NO SORBET???

WELL THIS MOTHERFUCKING SMOOTHIE IS GONNA TASTE SO GOOD YOU’LL THINK IT WAS MADE WITH SOME KIND OF MAGICAL FROZEN RAINBOW SHIT

okay motherfuckers listen up. you’re gonna need, for one person:

  1. ONE LARGE BANANA
  2. A CUP AND A HALF/TWO CUPS OF FROZEN FRUIT. THIS IS GONNA MAKE YOUR SMOOTHIE ICY COLD AS A FROST GIANT’S SKIN, WITHOUT MAKING IT WATERY OR WRECKING YOUR BLENDER!!! my favourite is to use strawberries, BUT YOU CAN FUCKING USE ANYTHING MAN. YOU CAN USE PINEAPPLES FROM THE CARIBBEAN THAT ARE SO GOOD JACK SPARROW WOULD GIVE UP RUM TO EAT THEM ALL DAY. TIP: IF YOU’RE USING PINEAPPLE, BUY IT FRESH, WAIT FOR IT TO RIPEN, AND THEN CUT IT INTO CHUNKS AND PUT IT IN THE FREEZER. YOU CAN FUCKING USE CRANBERRIES, OR RASPBERRIES, OR BLUEBERRIES. HELL, WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU WANT!
  3. about a HALF CUP of LIQUID.THIS LIQUID CAN BE ANYTHING YOU WANT! IT CAN BE THE BLOOD OF YOUR ENEMIES IF YOU’RE THAT KIND OF BADASS, BUT THAT PROBABLY WOULDN’T TASTE GOOD IN A SMOOTHIE. I LIKE TO USE ORANGE JUICE CONCENTRATE, WHICH MAKES THAT SMOOTHIE SUPER DAMN SWEET. OR, IF YOU WANT SOMETHING LESS TANGY, USE MILK AND A DASH OF YOGURT, OR YOUR FAVOURITE NON-DAIRY BEVERAGE. YOU HEARD ME RIGHT, YOU BEAUTIFUL BADASSES WITH FOOD ALLERGIES. YOU CAN MAKE THIS SMOOTHIE TO FIT YOUR DIETARY NEEDS! HOLY SHIT, YOU CAN MAKE A PIÑA COLADA SMOOTHIE WITH COCONUT MILK AND PINEAPPLES!!! MAYBE ADD A SPLASH OF TEQUILA IF YOU WANT A BUZZ TO IT!
  4. BLEND THAT SHIT, MOTHERFUCKERS! BLEND IT TILL IT’S SMOOTH. DEPENDING ON THE TYPE OF BLENDER YOU’VE GOT, IT MAY TAKE A FEW MINUTES.
    BUT IT’S GONNA BE FUCKING WORTH IT!!
  5. ENJOY THAT FUCKING SMOOTHIE AND FUEL UP FOR YOUR BATTLE WITH ORCS AND BALROGS!

other tips: FEEDING MORE THAN ONE PERSON?? DOUBLE THE RECIPE, YOU BEAUTIFUL BADASSES! BEST THING WITH THIS RECIPE IS, IF YOU NEED A LITTLE MORE LIQUID OR FRUIT, YOU CAN MAKE IT WORK EASY AS PIE!

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You asshats are talented and majestic warriors, and don't you ever forget it. Conquer the world. You have the potential.

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