PARTY KEBABS

READY TO PARTY HARD, MY HARDCORE PARTY PEOPLE? WELL GET YOUR ASS INTO GEAR, BECAUSE IT’S TIME TO MAKE SOME DELICIOUS-AS-THE-ALMIGHTY FUCKING KEBABS!

I’M USING BEEF, BUT YOU COULD TOTALLY USE PORK, CHICKEN OR SHIT, PROBABLY EVEN TOFU! GODDAMN, WHAT A VARIETY!

STROLL INTO THE GARDEN WITH A BOOMBOX OVER YOUR SHOULDER. BE CAREFUL WITH THE TURBO BASS, A BOOMBOX IS NOT A TOY! HARVEST 1 GREEN PEPPER, AND USE YOUR FANGS TO SLICE IT INTO CHUNKS ABOUT AN INCH WIDE AND TALL.  HOW’S THAT FOR ACCURACY?

PLUNGE YOUR FIST INTO THE EARTH AND RIP OUT ONE WHITE ONION, AND GLARE FIERCELY UNTIL THE BULB BURSTS INTO PERFECT 1 INCH PEICES FROM PURE TERROR. MOONWALK BACK INTO THE KITCHEN, WHERE YOUR TRUSTY DRAGON BABIES SHOULD HAVE DELIVERED SOME FRESH MEAT, FOR YOUR FUTURE CONSUMPTION.

PRAISE THOSE ADORABLE LITTLE FUCKERS, AND PLAN SOME CUDDLE TIME WITH THEM LATER. GODDAMN FIRE BREATHING CUTIEPIES!

READY FOR SOME HERBAL SHIT? YOU WANT 1 CLOVE OF GARLIC AND ½ TEASPOON OF GINGER ALL UP IN THIS BUSINESS. PREPARE YOUR MOUTH FOR EXCELLENCE. YOUR VERY OWN ADVANCED PLACEMENT MARINADE. (NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH THE AP PROPHET, WHO IS CURRENTLY INDISPOSED)

SOY SAUCE? VEGETABLE OIL? SHERRY? CROW YOUR TRIUMPH TO THE HEAVENS WHEN YOU OBTAIN ⅓ CUP OF EACH. IF YOU’RE NOT AN ALCOHOL TYPE OF FUCKER, YOU CAN USE APPLE CIDER OR APPLE JUICE AS A REPLACEMENT!

FOR SOME ADDED SWEETNESS ON YOUR DELIGHTFUL DISH, GRAB ¼ CUP OF YOUR FINEST BROWN SUGAR, IN YOUR FISTS. RAISE IT TO THE SKY AND SUMMON KUZCO TO BLESS YOUR KITCHEN WITH HIS HELLA-BOSS DANCE MOVES AND LLAMA POWERS.

WHIP OUT MJOLNIR AND FLY TO THE STORE, TO COLLECT 1 CAN OF PINEAPPLE CHUNKS AS THE FINAL TOUCH.

SHOVE EVERYTHING IN A PLASTIC BAG, SHAKE IT VIOLENTLY, THEN LET IT SIT FOR AN HOUR!

FISH OUT THE VEGGIES, PINEAPPLE AND MEAT (or meat-like substance) FROM THE BAG, THEN SHOW THEM YOUR SKEWERS. LET THEM QUAKE IN FEAR, KNOWING WHAT WILL SOON HAPPEN TO THEIR SAUCE-COVERED BODIES.

NOW JAB THEM ONTO YOUR SKEWERS! STAB THEM LIKE KARKAT WAS STABBED, AND RELIVE THE PAIN! SCREAM OBSCENITIES INTO THE DISTANCE, WHILE YOU FIND THE IRONY THAT HE WAS STABBED WITH A FORK, BY SOMEONE WHO LOVES COOKING, AND THIS BLOG IS OFTEN ACCUSED OF BEING ‘COOKING WITH KARKAT’

LISTEN CLOSELY FOR MY CACKLES OF APPRECIATION FOR IRONY.

NOW YOU CAN EITHER PREHEAT THE GRILL TO SOMETHING LIKE ‘HIGH’ THEN GRILL FOR ~ 8 MINUTES, ROTATING OCCASIONALLY.

OR, IF YOU’RE NOT A GRILLING TYPE OF ASS, LAY THEM OUT ON A COOKING SHEET WITH A LIP, SO THE MARINADE DOESN’T POUR EVERYWHERE, AND BROIL IT THE SAME WAY. AROUND 400 DEGREES, FOR 8 MINUTES, TURNING OCCASIONALLY.  WITH THE OVEN VERSION, YOU CAN EVEN LET THEM SIT IN THEIR OWN JUICES, HOLY MOTHERFUCK!

image

 

SHIT PEOPLE, LOOK AT THOSE FUCKING GORGEOUS KEBABS!

 

  1. dontdietjusttryit reblogged this from collegekillz
  2. naytinnoms reblogged this from fuckingrecipes
  3. davidsfoodblog reblogged this from fuckingrecipes
  4. iamnessky reblogged this from fuckingrecipes
  5. mousetreat reblogged this from fuckingrecipes
  6. chakuufoxdragon reblogged this from fuckingrecipes
  7. healthyandtastyfood reblogged this from fuckingrecipes
  8. celestriakle reblogged this from fuckingrecipes
  9. hilariouslyunderminingoneliner reblogged this from fuckingrecipes
  10. drakeface reblogged this from fuckingrecipes
  11. utherandarthur reblogged this from fuckingrecipes
  12. my-thoughts-as-stars reblogged this from fuckingrecipes and added:
    I have found my new favourite food blog.
  13. alwayswanted2bginger reblogged this from seekingthedoctor
  14. kiitai reblogged this from fuckingrecipes
  15. dinosaur-irl reblogged this from nucd
  16. joyau-de-la-mer reblogged this from fuckingrecipes
  17. nucd reblogged this from fuckingrecipes
  18. holla-at-the-dark-lord reblogged this from fuckingrecipes
  19. cheshire-gcat reblogged this from katiedora7
  20. alesofthephilosopherstoned reblogged this from fuckingrecipes
  21. katiedora7 reblogged this from fuckingrecipes
  22. themerrymagicianjazzy reblogged this from fuckingrecipes
  23. lonelynayiq reblogged this from fuckingrecipes
  24. ribbonsribbonslalala reblogged this from fuckingrecipes
  25. jackfrost-snowflake reblogged this from fuckingrecipes
  26. crazypiccolist reblogged this from fuckingrecipes
  27. gaysportsbra reblogged this from fuckingrecipes
You asshats are talented and majestic warriors, and don't you ever forget it. Conquer the world. You have the potential.

view archive



BUY THE BOOK?

Results

Recipe Masterpost

Scavenger Hunt

FUCKING ASK

Submit a recipe -OR- Show your result